Yesterday was so hard for me... Facing everything by my own..
Terpaksa berdepan ngn tohmahan org yg salah ertikan kenyataan yg "die" lemparkan kepadaku...
Masyaallah...begitu hebat panahan kenyataan "die".. Kini, ramai yg dah mula memadang serong kepadaku, bertanya soalan2 yg mengguris hatiku.. Aku malu! Aku rasa terhina sgt.. AKU BUKAN SEKEJI ITU...
Namun, aku rasa bersyukur.. Di sbbkn kenyataan itu, ada diantara kawan ku datang memberikan semangat, membawa aku bangun di kala aku jatuh terduduk mengenangkan maruahku yg dah diperkotak katikkn oleh "die".... Ya! Mungkin betul cakap kawanku yg seorg.. " Tak payah menangis dan malu lah cenonet.. Kalau sape betul kenal ko, die tahu mcm mana nak nilai ko.. Biar lah org nak kata apa pun.. Kitorg sentiasa ada ngn ko walaupun kawan2 yg ko anggap rapat sgt dgn ko tu dah xde ngn ko skrg disaat ko perlukan diorg..Mungkin org tu xsdar kot, die dah buat maruah org yg die penah sayang dulu, jatuh berkecai.. Mungkin die juga xsdar yg ko tu seorg perempuan..Sbb tu, isu maruah adalah hal biasa baginya..Sabarlah ye.." Kala ini, kau buat aku kesat air mataku yg xhenti mengalir.. Bodohkan aku menangis disbbkn kenyataan itu padahal ia adalah palsu???Tapi... Aku hanya lah budak yg amat nipis emosinya.. Bila maruahku dipertikaikan, aku dijadikan bahan gurauan, aku rasa geram sgt... Aku tegaskan, ITU BUKAN AKU!!
Ye..terima kasih kawan... Kau sentiasa datang di kala aku memerlukan bantuanmu.. Itulah gunanya abang dan kakak bukan...*smiles*
Kini, aku lupakan semuanya.. Aku sudah xmahu kenangkan lagi... Mcm kata salah seorg kawanku "Maafkanlah semuanya..jgn ikot jadi jahil untuk menghukum org,cenonet.. Kata2 boleh memutuskn persahabatan....Biarkan die.."
Betul kan?? So, aku ambil langkah untuk berdiam dan memaafkan.. Supaya hatiku tenang....
Macam yang Sis Wahida cakap..
"Every time when I am ready to forgive, there are things that pop out that hinder me from doing so. It's inimical. It can eat me up, alive, from the inside. Yet, I can't. I just can't. I tried, if you are wondering, again.
And two things I need to talk about forgiving are, one, forgiving is NOT forgetting. I am not forgetting just so I know how it feels every time I want to do the things I have to forgive for. Just so I stop doing things that are not supposed to be done to others. I know how it feels, why would I want to create another person with a shattered heart. It makes me a better human by not forgetting the bad things done to me.
And the second thing about forgiving is, forgiving does NOT mean whatever things done are acceptable, in any ways. If it's acceptable, why would we want to apologize at the first place? FYI, cheating on your spouses is NOT acceptable, given any reasons anyways.
Forgiveness is not something you can plan to give. It's spontaneous. And when the right time comes to forgive, it will just knock you and then bam! I forgive you, whole-heartedly. There's no half-hearted forgiveness. Either you forgive or you don't. Period."
Lastly...
"Since I can't plan my forgiveness, all I can do is keep saying my mantra ( 'I forgive you for being disloyal') before I go to bed, until it really happens someday, and I really hope that day is not far away.
Because after forgiving you, I need to learn to forgive myself for letting you treating me the way you treated me. And I bet, it will be a long, painful journey."
t8 care..
Have a new wonderful day, sayangs.
